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Who had the best week ever, maybe you choose the ugg boots

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Ugg Boots:

With the slightly colder weather of the past week, many have felt the need to break out their ultra-trendy wool-lined Ugg Boots. Those in shoes less equipped to deal with Arctic weather often question why such warm gear is necessary.

If anything, the continued remarkability and uniqueness of such fashionable footwear keeps everyone on their toes. Unfortunately for all students who inevitably encounter one or more Uggs-sporting student each day, the spray used to waterproof the boots is highly flammable. This makes every pair of boots an extreme fire hazard that could turn any classroom or residence hall into a veritable inferno with the nonchalant flick of a cigarette.

Because the female population of St. Joe's alone makes up for roughly 73 percent of your yearly sales, congratulations, Uggs, you're having the best week ever.

Pre-Halloween Parties:

As if purposefully dressing up as "the morning after" one day out of the year weren't overtired and embarrassing enough, students had to start Halloween festivities a weekend early this year. Jack's Pumpkin Spice Ale, corny decorations, and almost-clever costumes abounded.

Clearly, the thrill of using snickers and apple cider as chasers could not be contained to just one weekend and one can only guess that post-Halloween parties are in the future.

Because you remind us that the Great Pumpkin never really leaves our presence, congratulations, pre-Halloween parties, you're having the best week ever.

Indecisive Weather:

The weather couldn't seem to decide what it wanted to do last week. A master flip-flopper, the weather would tempt us with a beautiful fall day only to take it back in exchange for a frosty morning. One day, jackets were necessary protection from the chill in the air, and the next day, t-shirts were the only required wear.

Because you threaten us with season-appropriate weather only to show us that you indeed have some control over our lives, congratulations, indecisive weather, you're having the best week ever.

Changing Leaves:

If the beautifully colored leaves on trees are any indication, fall is well under way and winter months near. Trees across campus have begun to experience the chill in the air and create vibrant horticultural displays. Fallen leaves remind many of us of the leaf piles built in our younger years, when jumping into a heap of dead, crispy foliage was the only reason we did not resent spending hours raking up those leaves.

While fall signals a time of nature's splendor for some, others on campus are quickly associating falling leaves with the early morning sleep disruptions caused by leaf blowers used for grounds upkeep.

Because you add visual beauty to the campus, congratulations, changing leaves, you're having the best week ever.

Midterm Grades:

Midterms are over and midterm grades are out. It's a time students find out that they should up their game, keep up the good work, or straight up drop a course before time runs out.

Not all on campus are enthusiastic about these mid semester progress reports. Chances are that students received midterm grades for approximately 60 percent of their classes, leaving the dreaded "NM" or dead space staring back from the MySJU screen. And for the classes that grades actually exist, corners are often cut. In some cases, everyone in the class got the same grade, compliments of their inescapable mediocrity. And in other cases, professors purposely deflated grades, claiming that no student should have an inflated ego and throwing that 3.5 monkey wrench into every anal-retentive student's search for a perfect GPA.

Because you give us the chance to pine over a better grade or continue our downward academic spiral, congratulations, midterm grades, you're having the best week ever.

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